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| If only I could be a hikikomori too and meet a nice girl XD |
Normally I'm used to living alone but today I feel like venting things out since I have nobody to talk to and I need to release this from time to time (▰˘︹˘▰). Just a little background of me, I grew up in a small family where technically the youngest even though I have a twin sister (I consider her my older sister because she was born an hour ahead of me..). We were both taken good care of by our mother who is a reaaaal workaholic, we never had to do any household chores because she wanted to do it by herself (Or she just doesn't trust us). When she's not there my two older half brothers would pamper us too. So me and sis never really learned how to be independent and do chores... Past forward today.. I'm 23 and I'm finally living the opposite of the life I grew up with. >.< I used to believe that freedom and being independent is the ultimate goal of young adults like me, I thought it would be fun! Boy.. I guess it's fun (I'm kinda enjoying it lately) but it takes a lot of hard-work!! a lot of stress!! a lot of sadness!!.. I'm eventually gonna be living with my twin sis again in march at either at a new condo or our partly owned house which is about an hour drive from here..for now I'm stuck (-_-) I'm gonna list the things that really makes it hard living alone:
1.) Money - yeah, I'm fully independent right now, everything i drink, eat, consume, use, I pay frickin all of it. For every purchase I make I needed to compute! I need money for my meat! my whey! my meds! my rent! water and electricity! clothes! buffets and runs (LOL)! and travel! The bad thing about this is just it's sometimes stressful because you want to rush on to being rich but you just can't.. but yeah.. I guess what this really teaches me is how to be responsible with money. How to value money, how to live with moderation. Just like what my dad told me, he's preparing me before I handle those big stuff back at home, I just wish it happens ASAP but it's okay if it didn't because I want to establish a name for myself in my career right now and I need some time before I go back home, I need to realize my own potential and everything I'll get from dad, grandpa, two uncles ,(sole inheritor they say -_-") they'll just be bonuses for I'll want carve up my own path...
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| I wish I had moe problems |
2.) Time - time for me is more problem than money. I wish days would be twice as long! I mean I go to work 7am get back home at 6:30pm. Then I'd either went straight home or spend 30mins doing grocery (food won't magically replenish themselves inside my fridge ( >д<)). Then at home, I would cook my meal for dinner, tomorrow's breakfast and my hiro-bento for work. I'd rest for an hour and proceed to heavy workouts after laying! (4-5 times a week). It approximately starts at 7:30 ends at 8:30 to 9pm. At thursdays i'd squeeze a run too 8:30pm to 9:30pm (30mins run, 30mins relaxation at my alma mater!) that leaves me about less than 2 hours to eat dinner, do hygiene stuff. Around 11:30 i'd lie in bed and try as hard as I can to study Japanese (日本語！）Good thing I have a lot of japanese and foreign chat mates now at LINE and LANG-8 so it gets a little bit easier and less time consuming to learn.. but I admit I miss a lot of japanese learning time because of time constrictions.. bah, I try to study them during lunch at work instead! Also need time to study for my craft at civil engineering too! Weekends are either laundry or running.. but with more time I can either go out with friends or my sister, or stay home and watch anime, J-dramas or read manga (the former is money consuming, the latter is again being lonely and sad) ^_^.
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| I swear one of these days I'll try doing this cliche |
3.)Eating/Cooking - Being alone I can't cook good meals because again... not enough TIME!! My food is basically chicken breast, chicken breast, whey, banana, rice, chicken breast, oats, chicken breast, eggs and more chicken breast. What's wrong with chicken breast? I just frickin boil them in masses to save a lot of electricity! And boiling chicken breasts means = RUBBER. Plain, no taste, like eating rubber! I bought a lot of condiments, from kikkoman, teriyaki sauces, tobasco chili, japanese mayo etc just to make it EDIBLE!. I have really no choice because I'd rather eat chicken breast than eat canned goods or other meat. Another problem with lots of chicken breast is again MONEY!! but its okay..What I've learned this past year is that I'd rather be broke, and not enjoy my food than to eat crap, non-nutritious food. I'll go veggies and BREASTS (chicken lol) all the way! I just wished that I have normal metabolism because I'm frickin eating for 2 people (more than 3000 calories maintenance) and for my size 5'6" 350lb that's quite big. Another sad thing about eating alone is that (I just noticed it earlier) praying alone made me pity myself. I pray out-loud alone.. and when I heard myself earlier it hit me like a truck that, crap, this is just like some drama scene, I'm here talking loudly praying for people on an island far away from me >_< bah! Oh well hahaha,I know HE is with me so dun care!
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4.)Waking up - okay, waking up as long as i have an alarm clock is pretty easy. No alarm clock then I wouldn't wake up at all lol.. but generally waking every morning for me is a just okay.. except for cooking early in the morning, time consuming! Besides that it's easy. What's hard is when you wake up at the middle of the night or early morning from a freaking bad dream, you wake up in the dark, sad, or frightened, noone to talk to. This is a real eye opener for me, But it teaches you to be harder.. tougher.. emotionless in some degree. In short it makes you stronger. I don't want to be alone for long periods of time though but if I had to then so be it, I can do it for months!
Basically those 4 are the real problems for me in living alone and independent. One good advice is to make a consistent schedule which I did and religiously followed for months now. Every activity as scheduled. I know that almost everyone (few lucky ones won't) will experience this at any point in their lives, it could be as early as teenager days, early 20s, late 20s but by 30s and above they NEED to experience this and I'm sure they WILL. They need to learn how to be alone in order to appreciate the company of their FAMILY and FRIENDS. They need to be able to stand by their own two feet in order to support the ones they love without worrying about being supported back. I know this is just a big challenge for me but I'm embracing it. I'm loving every single day of this life (while also hating it sometimes), I know that the harder it gets, the more painful it is, the more victorious I would feel once I get this all behind me. When you are at the bottom there is no other way but to GO UP! So fellow loners out there (lol) hang in there! We can do this !(=^▽^=) がんばって皆！ (venting done! Felt goooood ⊂(◉‿◉)つ... さよなら！） お休み！_(-ω-`_)
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